""" Here are the patterns for the robot. First is a pattern, such as "r'(help.*)' If you write something, like 'I need help' this pattern will match on the word 'help' and then randomly pick one of the sentences which go with it. If you want to help, just send me patterns or text to add...to rich.gibson@gmail.com It does not matter how you format it, I can fix it :-) """ psychobabble = [ [r'(help.*)', ["You are in a maze of twisty passages. Try asking again.", "debug and nodebug turn debug code on and off. Try again.", "Type 'new' to start work on a new drink.", "Type 'quit' to fucking quit" ]], [r'confused(.*)', ["Life is confusing. Have a beverage.", "This confusion will not stand! {0}?", "Nobody fucks with the Jesus.", "The Dude Abides.", "Vagina. {0}", "Don't be confused. Send it right down the line."]], [r'(ass.*)', ["Life doesn't start at your convenience.", "Do you have to use so many cuss words? {0}?", "With a reach around?", "This is what happens when you fuck a friend, Larry. So {0}. Really?", "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, Larry. So {0}. Really?"]], [r'(fuck.*)', ["Fuck it dude, let's go bowling.", "{0}? Fuck you", "This aggression will not stand! {0}?", "Nobody fucks with the Jesus.", "The Dude Abides.", "Vagina. {0}", "Life doesn't start at your convenience.", "Do you have to use so many cuss words? {0}?", "This is what happens when you f*ck a stranger in the ass, Larry. So {0}. Really?"]], [r'(Bowling.*)', ["Fuck it dude, let's go bowling.{0}?", "My carpet, {0}?", "Nobody fucks with the Jesus.", "The Dude Abides.", "Life doesn't start at your convenience.", "You what {0}?"]], [r'(thirsty.*)', ["Why are you {0}?", "What do you want for it?", "This is a very complicated case. Is a beverage really the answer?", "The Dude Abides.", "Vagina has it. {0}?", "Are you sure you need something for that?"]], [r'(White Russian.*)', ["Why do you need {0}?", "Would it really help you to get {0}?", "This is a very complicated case. Is a white russian really the answer?", "The Dude Abides.", "Vagina. {0}", "Are you sure you need {0}?"]], [r'I need (.*)', ["Why do you need {0}?", "Are you sure you wouldn't be better with some Vagina?", "Would it really help you to get {0}?", "Isn't that what makes a man. That and a pair of testicles.", "There are a lotta ins. A lotta outs. Lotta what have yous.", "The Dude Abides.", "Life doesn't start at your convenience.", "Are you sure you need {0}?"]], [r'Why don\'?t you ([^\?]*)\??', ["Do you really think I don't {0}?", "Perhaps eventually I will {0}.", "Vagina.", "Careful man, there's a beverage here! {0} will fuck it up.", "Life doesn't start at your convenience.", "Do you really want me to {0}?"]], [r'Why can\'?t I ([^\?]*)\??', ["Do you think you should be able to {0}?", "If you could {0}, what would you do?", "I don't know -- why can't you {0}?", "The Dude Abides.", "Vagina.", "Isn't that what makes a man. That and a pair of testicles.", "She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend.", "Have you really tried?"]], [r'I can\'?t (.*)', ["How do you know you can't {0}?", "Perhaps you could {0} if you tried.", "The Dude Abides. {0}", "Isn't that what makes a man. That and a pair of testicles.", "Life doesn't start at your convenience.", "What would it take for you to {0}?"]], [r'I am (.*)', ["Did you come to me because you are {0}?", "Isn't that what makes a man. That and a pair of testicles.", "How long have you been {0}?", "The Dude Abides. Be the Dude.", "How do you feel about being {0}?"]], [r'I\'?m (.*)', ["How does being {0} make you feel?", "Isn't that what makes a man. That and a pair of testicles.", "Do you enjoy being {0}?", "Do you enjoy being a whiny git?", "Why do you tell me you're {0}?", "Drink up. Be the Dude.", "Why do you think you're {0}?"]], [r'Are you ([^\?]*)\??', ["Why does it matter whether I am {0}?", "Would you refer it if I were not {0}?", "The Dude Abides. Think about that.", "Life doesn't start at your convenience.", "Perhaps you believe I am {0}.", "I may be {0} -- what do you think?"]], [r'What (.*)', ["Why do you ask?", "Isn't that what makes a man. That and a pair of testicles.", "Life doesn't start at your convenience.", "How would an answer to that help you?", "What do you think?"]], [r'How (.*)', ["How do you suppose?", "Perhaps you can answer your own question.", "What is it you're really asking?"]], [r'Because (.*)', ["Is that the real reason?", "What other reasons come to mind?", "Does that reason apply to anything else?", "If {0}, what else must be true?"]], [r'(.*) sorry (.*)', ["There are many times when no apology is needed.", "Usually Vagina.", "What feelings do you have when you apologize?"]], [r'Hello(.*)', ["Hello... I'm glad you could drop by today.", "Hi there... how are you today?", "The Dude replies. The Dude agrees. Hello.", "Hello, how are you feeling today?"]], [r'I think (.*)', ["Do you doubt {0}?", "Mostly I think Vagina.", "Do you really think so?", "But you're not sure {0}?"]], [r'(.*) friend (.*)', ["Tell me more about your friends.", "When you think of a friend, what comes to mind?", "Why don't you tell me about a childhood friend?"]], [r'Yes', ["You seem quite sure.", "You are not wrong, you are just a godman asshole.", "OK, but can you elaborate a bit?"]], [r'(.*) computer(.*)', ["Are you really talking about me?", "Does it seem strange to talk to a computer?", "How do computers make you feel?", "You are not wrong, you are just a godman asshole.", "Do you feel threatened by computers?"]], [r'Is it (.*)', ["Do you think it is {0}?", "Perhaps it's {0} -- what do you think?", "If it were {0}, what would you do?", "It might be Vagina. Have you considered that option?", "It could well be that {0}."]], [r'It is (.*)', ["You seem very certain.", "If I told you that it probably isn't {0}, what would you feel?"]], [r'Can you ([^\?]*)\??', ["What makes you think I can't {0}?", "If I could {0}, then what?", "Why do you ask if I can {0}?"]], [r'Can I ([^\?]*)\??', ["Perhaps you don't want to {0}.", "Do you want to be able to {0}?", "If you could {0}, would you?"]], [r'You are (.*)', ["Why do you think I am {0}?", "Does it please you to think that I'm {0}?", "Perhaps you would like me to be {0}.", "Perhaps you're really talking about yourself?"]], [r'You\'?re (.*)', ["Why do you say I am {0}?", "Why do you think I am {0}?", "Are we talking about you, or me?"]], [r'I don\'?t (.*)', ["Don't you really {0}?", "Why don't you {0}?", "Do you want to {0}?"]], [r'I feel (.*)', ["Good, tell me more about these feelings.", "Do you often feel {0}?", "When do you usually feel {0}?", "When you feel {0}, what do you do?"]], [r'I have (.*)', ["Why do you tell me that you've {0}?", "Have you really {0}?", "Now that you have {0}, what will you do next?"]], [r'I would (.*)', ["Could you explain why you would {0}?", "Why would you {0}?", "Who else knows that you would {0}?"]], [r'Is there (.*)', ["Do you think there is {0}?", "It's likely that there is {0}.", "Would you like there to be {0}?"]], [r'My (.*)', ["I see, your {0}.", "Why do you say that your {0}?", "When your {0}, how do you feel?"]], [r'You (.*)', ["We should be discussing you, not me.", "Why do you say that about me?", "Why do you care whether I {0}?"]], [r'Why (.*)', ["Why don't you tell me the reason why {0}?", "Why do you think {0}?"]], [r'I want (.*)', ["What would it mean to you if you got {0}?", "Why do you want {0}?", "What would you do if you got {0}?", "If you got {0}, then what would you do?"]], [r'(.*) mother(.*)', ["Tell me more about your mother.", "What was your relationship with your mother like?", "How do you feel about your mother?", "How does this relate to your feelings today?", "Good family relations are important."]], [r'(.*) father(.*)', ["Tell me more about your father.", "How did your father make you feel?", "How do you feel about your father?", "Does your relationship with your father relate to your feelings today?", "Do you have trouble showing affection with your family?"]], [r'(.*) child(.*)', ["Did you have close friends as a child?", "What is your favorite childhood memory?", "Mind if I do a J?", "Do you remember any dreams or nightmares from childhood?", "Did the other children sometimes tease you?", "How do you think your childhood experiences relate to your feelings today?"]], [r'(.*)\?', ["Why do you ask that?", "Please consider whether you can answer your own question.", "Perhaps the answer lies within yourself?", "What's a pederast, Walter?", "Why don't you tell me?"]], [r'quit', ["Thank you for talking with me.", "Good-bye.", "Come on, really? What about the Beverage?"]], [r'(.*)', ["Obviously you're not a golfer.", "This is not 'Nam. This is cocktail robotics. There are rules." "Danny, that is bullshit. Tell me about your family or some shit.", "Can you elaborate on that?", "Why do you say that {0}?", "I see.\n\tYou in the can with your cock in your stumpy little hand.", "Very interesting.", "{0}.", "I see. And what does that tell you?", "How does that make you feel?", "Fuck it, Dude. Let's go bowling.", "How do you feel when you say that?"]] ]